Useful Tips

Tip 1: How to criticize

Successful speech is attractive with well-chosen content that is presented to the public with charisma and grace. To criticize speech, you need to evaluate the speaker’s ability to write and deliver a speech. Determine if the speaker uses stories and facts to make a speech convincing and decide if his style of writing was so attractive as to keep your attention to the end. Share your criticism with the speaker; she will help him or her improve her skills the next time.

Hold back emotions

Correct criticism does not allow emotionality, especially when it comes to personal issues. You must be as objective as possible, otherwise your words will be perceived as attacks, and the person you criticize will quickly take a defensive position. For example, if you do not like certain actions of a person, criticize him precisely for them. Do not talk with him about his behavior in general.

Choose the right time and place

Whatever good intentions you are guided by, remember that criticism should not be carried out in a public manner. Never criticize a person in public. Choose the right place and time to do this. If you decide to talk with a person, make sure that you have enough time for this. Criticism should not be limited to your personal time; show the person that you are constructive and ready to talk with him.

Avoid criticism of personal qualities

Before criticizing a person, think about whether it will be perceived as you expect. For example, your good intentions regarding the appearance of a person (overweight, clothes, hair, etc.) can offend him. Your words that it would be worth changing (to lose weight, get a haircut, etc.) can be perceived negatively and even seem offensive. Try not to criticize a person’s personal qualities either. This can only be done if he directly asks you what you think about his appearance, his words, his behavior, etc.

Be specific, but talk too much

If you decide to criticize a person for any reason, say what you mean. Your words should relate to specific things, do not speak vaguely, in common words. For example, if you communicate with your subordinates about the quality of their work, say what exactly you do not like and what changes you expect. There is no need to say that a person can work better, that he needs to try, etc. You will not be understood, your criticism will be unconstructive. At the same time, try not to overload the person, especially if you have big complaints about him. Try to break the conversation into several meetings, give it time to deal with a small part of your comments.

The content of the article

  • How to criticize
  • How to learn to sing scream
  • How to learn not to scream at your child

Hold back emotions

Correct criticism does not allow emotionality, especially when it comes to personal issues. You must be as objective as possible, otherwise your words will be perceived as attacks, and the person you criticize will quickly take a defensive position. For example, if you do not like certain actions of a person, criticize him precisely for them. Do not talk with him about his behavior in general.

Choose the right time and place

Whatever good intentions you are guided by, remember that criticism should not be carried out in a public manner. Never criticize a person in public. Choose the right place and time to do this. If you decide to talk with a person, make sure that you have enough time for this. Criticism should not be limited to your personal time; show the person that you are constructive and ready to talk with him.

Avoid criticism of personal qualities

Before criticizing a person, think about whether it will be perceived as you expect. For example, your good intentions regarding the appearance of a person (overweight, clothes, hair, etc.) can offend him. Your words that it would be worth changing (to lose weight, get a haircut, etc.) can be perceived negatively and even seem offensive. Try not to criticize a person’s personal qualities either. This can only be done if he directly asks you what you think about his appearance, his words, his behavior, etc.

Be specific, but talk too much

If you decide to criticize a person for any reason, say what you mean. Your words should relate to specific things, do not speak vaguely, in common words. For example, if you communicate with your subordinates about the quality of their work, say what exactly you do not like and what changes you expect. There is no need to say that a person can work better, that he needs to try, etc. You will not be understood, your criticism will be unconstructive. At the same time, try not to overload the person, especially if you have big complaints about him. Try to break the conversation into several meetings, give it time to deal with a small part of your comments.

End on a positive note

Tip 2: Making Criticism Helpful

The content of the article

RULE 1. USEFUL CRITICISM POSITIVE

Criticism must be balanced. Usually there is a temptation to immediately indicate to a person his mistakes. But such a beginning will cause tension in your counterpart, and it will be difficult for him to perceive the essence of your comments.

Always start by indicating what you like. in the work of man. Before you point out errors to him, emphasize what you see and the pros in his work. Make two or three positive accents, and only then go on to your comments.

Follow balance between positive and negative. If you called two or three positive points, then call the same or one more negative.

RULE 2. USEFUL CRITICISM IS SPECIFIC

Your comments, both positive and negative, should be specific. Avoid phrases such as “everything is fine!” Or “you are doing it wrong!”. With these phrases you do not give a person useful information for his development.

Try to formulate what exactly do you like or dislike in work or human behavior. For example, if you criticize the appearance of a person, say that he successfully selected the color of his clothes, but he did not guess with the length.

RULE 3. USEFUL CRITICIANS HELP DEVELOPMENT

Useful criticism should always relate to those manifestations, properties, qualities of a person and his work, which he is able to change. Do not indicate a too high or low timbre of the voice, violent temperament or drowsiness of a person in the morning. A person will not be able to change this, but your relationship will be ruined.

When you criticize always suggest a solution. Instead of indicating a flaw, immediately indicate the direction of development. For example, instead of “you do not follow punctuation in your texts at all,” say “I would check the punctuation before the change.” If you don’t have any solutions, invite the person to think together and look for them.

FINAL RECOMMENDATIONS

To help a person take into account their mistakes, it is necessary to approach the criticism of his work or behavior with positive attitude. When criticizing yourself, you must keep in mind what you are doing it for. Sincerely help man, tell me how to correct his mistakes, and he will be grateful to you.

Criticism must be timely. Give feedback to the person when he is ready to perceive it and when it is still relevant to him.

When giving feedback, check that the person you are understood correctly. Ask him to retell how your remarks sound to him. Correct if he misunderstood you.

Useful criticism should be attractive and divided. Make sure that the person agrees with you, that he understands how he can correct his mistakes, and that you part with him on a friendly note.

How the internal critic is formed

A boring and gloomy inner voice, which very often reminds of perfect mistakes, scolds even for minimal misconduct, exists in every person. However, with some individuals, he literally begins to dominate the mind over time, while other people try to curb this inner critic, agree with him or learn to ignore his grunts.

Where does the inner critic come from? The answer is simple and simple: from childhood. Internal dissatisfaction with oneself, mental grunts, a tendency to scold oneself, the habit of self-blaming, self-flagellation come for a person from his childhood. For a child, such behavior and being stuck in a similar state is not typical. However, the child is extremely dependent on the opinions of others, on the assessments his parents give him, on conversations about him and so on. It is on the basis of this that the internal critic begins to grow up, capable of literally poisoning a person’s life.

The process of forming an internal critic is usually started by parents or grandparents. Demonstration of dissatisfaction with the child, punishment, reproaches, insults, heavy sighs and gloomy looks at the child when he did something wrong, constant grunts, attempts to raise, arouse guilt, shame - all this becomes what nourishes the internal critic . Kindergarten teachers, relatives who constantly compare the child with someone, teachers at school, other adults surrounding the child during adulthood also affect the formation of internal criticism.

The inner critic has no direct and constant relationship with strong childhood emotions or impressions. However, if the child is experiencing a difficult situation when he is accused, ashamed and punished, these experiences will give even more strength to the internal critic. Resentment, fear, anxiety, anxiety, a sense of hopelessness, guilt, internal panic, a feeling of sadness, anger at oneself or people around you - this is not a complete list of those feelings and emotions that give strength to internal criticism that affect the formation of this personality trait.

Examples of typical phrases from childhood, which are then adopted by an internal critic:

  1. “You ruined everything again”
  2. "Shame on you, you dishonor me,"
  3. "You are not ready for the lesson again, you are our main loser and worthless child",
  4. “Other children study so well, and you, as always,”
  5. "You still won’t succeed, why are you wasting time on some nonsense",
  6. “Why did you decide that something will come of your venture, quit this business, you have no talent and abilities”,
  7. “You yourself are to blame for how it all happened, you had to obey,”
  8. "You are stupid and do not understand anything,"
  9. “So much effort and money has been invested in you, and you were still a fool, and you remained”,
  10. “Again you overslept and are late, now they will scold you at school, you’re just grief and some kind of punishment, not a child.”

The lack of support and approval from adults that are significant for the child not only affects the level of the young people's inner faith, self-esteem, but also destroys their motivation by cultivating a very strong internal critic.

With the passage of time, phrases from childhood are joined by words heard by a person addressed to him at the institute, at work. Especially impressionable individuals can unknowingly remember the opinions of strangers who speak out on the subject of their work or work. Criticism in reality is very difficult to perceive, fixed in the consciousness of a particularly impressionable and vulnerable person, which gives an additional reason for the flowering of the activity of an internal critic.

Typical phrases of such an evil inner voice in adulthood can look like this:

  • "Why I decided that I will succeed, I still can not achieve anything,"
  • “Why act and start something, there will again be a complete failure”,
  • “I am not worthy”
  • “I'm completely worthless and useless”
  • “I just look awful today, in this form you can’t leave home” and so on.

It is noteworthy that often phrases from an internal critic sound with an appeal to "you." For example, the statement of a sarcastic voice may look like this: “You thought you had enough strength, but you knew that everything was pointless, that everything was very risky and would turn into another collapse for you.”

What is the danger of internal criticism

As a rule, a negatively tuned inner voice in a person’s consciousness becomes very loud during moments of severe fatigue, emotional exhaustion, illness, during periods of apathy, depressive mood, and so on. Any stressful / unpleasant situation can cause an internal critic to embark on a long and sad monologue.

If a person is completely unable to control a harmful internal speaker, then the activity of a critic can turn around:

  1. low self-esteem, fear of acting,
  2. unwillingness to leave the comfort zone,
  3. lack of motivation for anything
  4. a literal stop in development,
  5. baseless anxieties, experiences, nightmares, neurotic state with fixation on the negative,
  6. progressive negative thinking
  7. lack of desire and strength for work or creativity,
  8. unwillingness to set goals for yourself or a very long way to achieve a goal, a dream,
  9. ruined talents and abilities,
  10. repeated repetition of the same mistakes, getting into the same type of unpleasant situations, rejecting the experience gained.

An active internal critic constantly forces a person to live in a disharmonious state, under the constant influence of stress. This is fraught with internal conflicts, the rise of complexes and the development of other negative states. Under a stream of constant criticism, the brain begins to function differently, a person ceases to see any prospects, loses faith in himself and in the world around him, begins to live as if on an automaton. Therefore, it is so important to learn to negotiate with your inner critic, try not to focus on him, does not take mistakes too seriously.

Effective criticism

1) You must know yourself and your opponent well

If the other person has flaws that are also present with you, then criticizing him, avoid mentioning these flaws.

2) Do not criticize those below you at any of the levels of development

You must choose to criticize the person who is superior to you in position. As soon as he begins to answer you, this will put him on a par with you, because few people pay attention to criticism of the “subordinates”.

If, on the contrary, you decide to criticize a person whose reputation is zero, then the more you criticize him, the more pleasant he will feel.

The rule says that scolding a person who has nothing behind his soul, you create his reputation. Isn't that something crazy?

3) In criticism, enough means enough, you need to be able to stop it in time

When you criticized someone, and he answered you, it's time to stop. If you don’t stop, you can be badly hurt.

4) Use the indirect attack method

The more you want to criticize someone, the more important it is to start a conversation with an expression of appreciation, respect, and regret. A person will feel that you are telling the truth and will consider you as a person of balance and dignity.

Right criticism

5) Keep calm outside

When there is swearing in the crowd in the street, as a rule, the louder the person’s voice, the more violent his behavior. But one who knows how to really criticize is able to hide his weapon until his antagonistic mood finds a way out at the right time.

When the energy is used up, he can insert his own few words, but such that the opponent will have no chance.

6) Use criticism and graceful language in criticism and abuse

Do not use foul language during criticism. The more polite you express, the sharper the sting. Insert your favorite antagonistic phrases into abusive language.

Before you start criticizing someone, remember your shortcomings, and feel free to tell about them, but in a special way. You must "bring yourself" to a very modest position.

This will kill your opponent's desire to lower you to a lower level.

Methods of Correct Criticism

8) Create a trap for your opponent

An experienced critic hones each of his "curses", which can be returned to him with the opposite effect. Therefore, he refuses such expressions, or answers in such a way that the opponent understands where he was and that his answer didn’t do much harm.

9) Make a lot of small

If a person deserves to be criticized, but his guilt is negligible, and hardly reprehensible, lead him to deeper waters. Step by step, using logic, make him make an illogical statement.

When he pronounces it, then you can very well enter into your own rights and criticize him.

10) Create “military conditions” around you and cultivate friendships where this is unlikely

Критикуйте или ругайте за один раз только одного человека, или, в случае необходимости, небольшую группу людей, иначе вы рискуете приобрести слишком много врагов.

Атакуйте своего оппонента, но не переключайтесь на случайных слушателей. If it is extremely important to include more people in the “conversation”, then you should first say that in spite of everything, you have goodwill in your heart.

If you do not say this, then such an avalanche will fall on you that the pressure will be extremely difficult to contain.