The co-author of this article is Tasha Rube, LMSW. Tasha Roubaix is a licensed MSc from Missouri. Received a master's degree from the University of Missouri in 2014.
The number of sources used in this article is 16. You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.
When a person tries to calm morally after a breakup or simply to get out of a past relationship, sometimes there comes a time when a person simply does not want to fall in love. If this is your case, then there is a way to learn to control your feelings. This can be done by focusing on yourself for some time, outlining for yourself a plan that will help you not lose your head from falling in love. In addition, it will help to think about the reasons why you do not want to fall in love, so that, in the end, you manage to break off the old painful relationship.
How to stop falling in love with everyone
A love feeling can turn into a drug. We strive to test it again, often at the same time getting closer to those who manipulate our need.
How to break the vicious circle?
- To think about self-esteem. Trying to be with a person who is indifferent at all costs, we lose self-esteem. Recognizing this is difficult, so the psyche throws up many excuses for such a connection. Self-esteem will allow you to rely primarily on yourself, and not look for support in another person.
- Recover resources. Exhausting ourselves emotionally, we lose interest in other aspects of life. A partner who loves and accepts, gives strength and fearlessness to move forward. He who devalues our feelings takes away our strength.
- Get rid of the role of the victim. We find ourselves in psychological subordination of a person who does not value us. Think about how a passive role might benefit you. Perhaps this is how you are trying to relieve yourself of responsibility for your own life?
How not to fall in love with proprietary
Sigmund Freud considered the attraction to the parent of the opposite sex to be the prototype of all falling in love. In a complete family, this figure is always not free.
“A childhood experience of competing with a parent of their gender can add passion to the love triangle in adulthood,” explains Jungian analyst Lev Khegay. - To defeat an opponent is no less important than to achieve the object of love. From this point of view, the choice of unfree partners provokes stronger feelings. ”
How to break the vicious circle?
“You need to honestly answer yourself the question: are you ready for the true convergence? - offers Marina Meaus. - What makes you hold on to relationships in which the full presence of a loved one is impossible? Perhaps in the parental family you saw not only love and care, but also many mutual claims, irritations. In this case, communication with a non-free partner allows you to leave the door open. ”
Those who are interested in learning how to stop falling in love should start thinking more about themselves, concentrate on their person. You can tell everyone that now you do not want a relationship. If someone likes you, then tell this person (or people) that you want to be friends at the moment and nothing more.
How to stop falling in love with girls? Simply. You need to redirect your energy to another channel. For example, get things done. If you want to achieve success in your work, then focus on a career. If you want to achieve something else, then focus on this. You can create a special desire board. On it, determine your goals, while removing everything that is connected with love and relationships. Next, make a clear plan of your actions to achieve what you want. So you can focus on your goals.
Just remember that excessive determination can harm your relationship with others. Therefore, do not forget about relatives and friends. Find at least some time to chat with them.
If you want to get rid of emotional feelings, then start taking care of your health. What does this concept include? Taking care of yourself means proper nutrition, good rest, regular exercise, the time you devote to your favorite activities.
Fall in love with yourself
How to stop falling in love with men? Simple enough. You need to love yourself. Sometimes people quickly enter into a relationship, because they consider themselves not attractive. If you pay enough attention to yourself, then everything will change for the better in your life. Remember daily that you are a good person, that you have many virtues. You can also pamper yourself by inviting someone to a restaurant or movie theater for a movie. Always indulge yourself with compliments and gifts. Show everyone how you love yourself. That is how the rest will relate to you.
Move away from man
How to stop falling in love and how to cope with your feelings if they have already arisen?
Move a little away from the person you like. That is, reduce the time spent alone with him to a minimum. If you try to invite him to a personal meeting, offer to gather in a crowd with friends.
How to stop falling in love? How to avoid the relationships and problems that arise in them? It is worth considering a solution to these problems. After all, because of them, the person, of course, wants to repel the alleged partners. Try to determine what drives your desire to give up relationships. It is possible that you are afraid that you will be betrayed.
Habits in a relationship. Maybe you should change them?
Think about it, perhaps in a relationship you give a lot, but you get nothing in return. Maybe this is the reason that you do not want to fall in love, build relationships. Think about past experiences, draw conclusions. Cultivate habits that can improve your relationship in the future. It is possible that you need to get acquainted for relationships not in a bar or nightlife, but in a park or an interest club.
Different type of people
We already figured out how to stop falling in love with guys. Now let's try to find solutions to the problem. For example, you fell in love with people of the same type. It is possible that they cannot be in a relationship, not able to build them. It is worth giving preference to another type. What if you can then build relationships that will bring you mostly positive emotions.
It may be that earlier, for example, you fell in love with such a "bad guy", now give preference to a more romantic and conservative person. Individuals who waste their strength will not be able to build a full-fledged relationship.
Do not hurry!
If you are one of those people who in a week can fall in love, then it is possible that it is this habit that affects relationships. Try to do it more slowly, give each other more time to figure out if you are compatible at all with the intended partner. You do not need to see each other immediately, a couple of meetings a week will be enough. About sex on a first date is also not worth thinking about. Give yourself time to get closer to your partner, and only then enter into an intimate relationship with him.
Forget the fears
All fears must be conquered. If you are afraid of relationships, affection, then the only sure way to defeat them is to face them. For example, if you are worried that for the sake of love you will have to give up your goals and desires, then you first need to figure out how important they are for a potential partner. In addition, at the very beginning of the relationship, it is worth prioritizing. Then you can keep your goals, even while in a relationship.
Consult a psychologist
Those who are worried about how to stop falling in love with men should consult a psychologist. It is possible that you have some kind of emotional trauma in the past, for example, you were used. Only with a psychologist can you work out a problem. Then you will be able to let love into your life. It is advisable to contact a trusted specialist.
Attitude to girls
Analyze how you feel about girls in general. Think about whether you perceive them as individuals, or if they are primarily objects of sexual desire for you. If you have chosen the second, perhaps it’s not about some serious feelings, but about passion. Your condition may be affected by elevated levels of the male hormone testosterone. When its amount in the guy’s body goes off scale, this can create the illusion that he is simply obsessed with women of the opposite sex.
If it is not your physiological characteristics, then the problem is psychological in nature. Try to perceive the girls first as friends, and only then as lovers. Set a goal to get to know a new darling and hold off with strong feelings for her. As long as you are not aware of the nature of a woman, her habits and shortcomings, you can create in your mind the image of an ideal girl. It's easy to fall in love with a woman dream. But to love a living person will be more difficult.
Understand yourself. Maybe it’s all about the level of your self-esteem. If you don't value yourself high enough, you may be looking for approval in the women around you. In this state, you are ready to perceive any kind word and a long look as a signal to action.
Dreams about a girl who, in your opinion, paid attention to you begin to appear in your mind. Such a misinterpretation of women's actions can make you an unhappy person. Be more critical and don't rush things. Set a goal to learn more about how a girl perceives you, whether she is currently free and is disposed to communicate with you.
You may be looking for self-affirmation in numerous ways. Conquering a large number of women, you are trying to increase the level of self-confidence, your masculinity and charm. Then be honest with yourself and do not pretend that you fall in love with the fair sex that attracts you. Answer honestly what exactly attracts you, for example, the beauty of a girl, her inaccessibility or her status in society.
Lessons from the past
Learn from your own mistakes. Remember how you suffered because of your feelings that your chosen one did not share, how you felt bad, sad because of an unrequited love, how you could not concentrate on work, study, sports or hobbies.
Make a choice: whether you are ready to continue to suffer because of your amorousness, or you will fight with yourself, try to be more careful not to get burned again. Proper installation and a firm determination to change lives will help you deal with this problem. Keep your heart free until you realize that you have met exactly the girl who is worthy of your experiences.