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How to find a wife: advice from psychologists on finding a good woman for love and creating a family

I immediately remembered one folk wisdom: - when do you need to get married? - When you understand that you can’t marry.

If you consciously come to such a choice - good. The problem is different - find a good wife. Indeed, in fact, to sleep with hundreds of girls who meet on your way is much easier than creating a happy marriage.

Why would a man get married

Usually this rhetorical question is given by bachelors in response to “Well, when ?!” addressed to them by mothers and grandmothers. We will try to honestly answer him without offending anyone.

The motives for marriage can be different. Someone was tired of waking up alone every day and making breakfast for himself, someone was ripe for procreation, and someone just covered himself with love with his head. Let's look at all these and other cases.

Love till death

Love in itself is a sufficient basis for creating a family. But with some reservations.

Well, firstly, it is exclusively about mutual love. That is, your chosen one should love you at least as much as you do her.

Secondly, your feeling should be checked by time and various circumstances. If there are any roughness in your pair, do not hope that they can be smoothed out after the wedding.

Need for support and support

Man is a social being and needs proximity and warmth. It is very difficult for one to experience all the hardships of this cruel world. If you feel that your cat can no longer cope with the role of a psychotherapist, you should think about creating a family.

Girls by nature are more sensitive, soft and flexible, and men are tough and straightforward. Therefore, in a pair they perfectly complement each other, like yin and yang.

Paternal instinct

As they grow older, each man accumulates invaluable experience, which he no longer has the strength to keep within himself and wants to pass on to someone. Well, there, how to straighten cowards through the pockets of trousers, how to teach a parrot to swear, how to put a glass of beer on his stomach so that it does not fall.

Plus everything else is constantly reminiscent of a house, a tree and a son. If you can somehow manage the first two points yourself, then it’s more difficult with your son - you can’t do without a woman’s participation.

Living together is rational and convenient. There is a system of division of labor, costs are reduced - such is the microeconomics in action. So what that sounds too pragmatic, you won't be full of kisses, as they say.

What should be a wife

I once caught my eye on the performance of a comedian on TV. The guy talked about his long and painful choice of a car, and in the end he summarized: “So I bought it, drove for six months and only then realized what kind of car I needed. My wife did the same. ”

Of course, we are not able to foresee everything in advance, but it will not hurt to make a list of criteria. One must rely on something.

Let's look at the basic principles for choosing a life partner.

Goose pig not comrade

This point is that partners need to be chosen to suit themselves. The closer you are with the chosen one in terms of social status, level of education, material well-being, the greater the chance of a strong and long marriage. The gulf in resources is very difficult to compensate for. Therefore, do not look for yourself a Doctor of Science model appearance with a two-story penthouse in the city center. You’ll only lose time.

Decembrist Wife

Every man dreams of a woman who will go with him, and fire, and water, and copper pipes. Just how to recognize her is a mystery. I’ll tell you a secret - this can be any of your girlfriend. Or maybe not one. It all depends on the degree of her love for you. Never marry a lady who is cold to you and is close only because there are no more worthy applicants. After the wedding, the situation, as a rule, only worsens.

Appreciate yourself, you are worthy of the most sincere and pure love.

My light, mirror, say

Female beauty is a mysterious, inexplicable and incredibly attractive phenomenon. How many centuries in a row great and talented minds have been struggling to create its universal formula, but all is in vain. Everyone has their own ideas about beauty.

No need to rely on any standards and ride around the girl with a ruler. You can even fall in love with a dimple on the cheek, in the earlobe, in any small and insignificant detail. Do not treat girls as physical objects, try to make out the soul behind every feature. You don’t like it if you are judged primarily by the size of your wallet.

Let's take a break from reading and watch a video:

Take a peek at colleagues

Among colleagues, it is perhaps the easiest to find a life partner, because you both spend most of the time in the same team. Take a closer look at his female half, just do not look at the bosses and your subordinates. It is advisable that you be on the same level of the career ladder.

Just do not try to flirt in the workplace - this is contrary to corporate ethics. Go to corporate parties, meet outside working hours, go out into the countryside with the whole working team.

Get an interesting hobby

New hobbies not only develop you as a person, but also expand your circle of friends. Just choose an activity that is interesting to both men and women.

Everything related to sports, dancing, art, music, science are suitable options. Courses of auto mechanics, a club of fans of the game in GTA - no. Do not be cunning and go to purely female circles in order to find your love there. Having met a man at sewing courses, the girl will certainly be surprised, but will consider him more as a girlfriend, and not as an option for creating a family.

Connect your friends to the search

Give a hint about looking for a life partner, and friends will come to your rescue. Surely many of them already have wives, and wives, in turn, have a whole squad of girlfriends with ticking clocks.

You will gather big companies and look closely at each other. The main plus is that if you like the girl, you can immediately inquire about her - find out what she does, what she loves, whom she met before.

Attend Mass Events

Rock concerts, mass celebrations, charity events, festivals, exhibitions - do not ignore these events. I understand, of course, that not everyone loves large crowds, but this is a good chance to meet new interesting people. Normal girls also go there, do not hesitate! Perhaps acquaintance will turn out to be crucial and will change your whole life.

Look for more places to meet in our article “How to Find a Girl”.

Marriage after 30 years

Among women, there is a belief that good men are taken apart by puppies, and if a guy under 30 has never been married, then something is wrong with him. Either a womanizer, or a sissy, or the wrong orientation. But you and I know that this is not always the case.

Therefore, if you are a little over thirty and you are puzzled by creating a family, you need to dispel these three myths.

Never let an attractive girl understand that she is not your only one. This is not only about physical proximity, but also about any attention and interest on your part. Women cannot stand the competition and love to feel exclusive.

Be independent in everyday life, learn to serve yourself, even if you still live with your parents and a caring mother is ready to wash your socks from morning to evening. Remember, someone else's custody of you is your addiction. You must first become completely autonomous and self-sufficient, and only then start looking for a woman of your whole life. Few people are tempted by the prospect of becoming a mummy for an adult peasant, especially women themselves are not averse to sit on their necks.

If the relationship with the opposite sex does not work out for you, you should not pretend that you do not need it. Show interest in girls, respect them, do not become misogynists due to several refusals. Otherwise, do not notice how people will begin to whisper behind you and smile meaningfully at a meeting.

At 40, life is just beginning

Forty-year-old males can easily give odds to young animals in relations with the opposite sex. Unless, of course, did not waste their youth on idle leisure.

By this age, a man already, as a rule, has rich experience, social status and material wealth. His appearance is still wow, the child-bearing function works great, so the choice of a wife is not limited to almost any framework.

Some men by this age have never married, but most forty-year-old bachelors still receive this title after a divorce. A bad experience is also an experience, sometimes even more valuable than a successful one. If you have a divorce behind you, it means that you have made some conclusions for yourself, realized something and are ready to go into battle with renewed vigor.

If you do not have the experience of married life, do not despair! Perhaps you have past injuries that prevent you from trusting and opening up to the person. Or are you so used to being alone that you are afraid to change your usual way of life. Or maybe you simply evaluate all the girls critically, and you don't like anyone. I advise you to contact a psychologist, he will help you understand yourself and change the settings.

How to get married so you don’t have to get divorced

We touched on a serious topic, friends. Statistics is inexorable - almost half of marriages in Russia end in divorce. It is difficult to say why this is happening, let's better discuss what can be done to avoid getting into these statistics.

  • Do not try to remake the girl

If a girl does not suit you with something, annoys, infuriates you, you have only two options - either accept her as you are, or leave. Trying to remake or re-educate someone, you just ruin the good attitude towards you (if it was, of course).

To change for the better, the stimulus must arise from within. You can try to help this stimulus originate in a person, but very subtly, delicately, without invading its borders. A personal example is one such way.

Suppose your beloved has gained a few extra pounds lately, and you don’t like it. Show her a good example - start going to the gym yourself and follow the diet, for sure you also have something to work on. It is possible that the girl will become infected by your enthusiasm and join you. Or maybe not. In any case, this is her business.

Very often men fall into one insidious trap. Probably, they heard guys say something about their girls like “she loves me, but refuses to kiss because she has a trauma from past relationships” or “we agreed to meet, I waited two hours, but she’s so forgetful, I don’t even call. ”

So, friends, never try to explain the bad attitude to yourself beloved by her moral injuries, character traits, some external circumstances, etc. The only reason is insufficient love for you.

Believe me, when this same girl falls in love with someone head over heels, she will be ready to turn the mountains and walk on a toss to please the chosen one. And all her injuries are blown away by the wind. And you in this situation can only stop such an unequal relationship and seek a new love. It is likely, by the way, that the girl will rethink your role in her life after separation and ask you to return. But that is another story.

Discuss all important life-changing issues before marriage. And it turns out that your ideas about living together are radically different. You want five children, a house in the village, three geese and a cow, and she is generally childfree and wants to surf in Bali all her life.

Put on the agenda the topic of parenthood, joint budget, place of residence and try to reach agreement on all issues, or at least compromise. Discuss everything calmly, without unnecessary emotions, listen to each other.

Do not think that your wife will wash and cook for your beautiful eyes alone. Contribute to your overall life, especially if your income is approximately equal. By the way, taking out the trash is not a contribution. At least sometimes you need to take care of cleaning, cooking and washing. All men's responsibilities, of course, should also be on you.

Do it disinterestedly without expecting gratitude or praise. Then the wife will hold on to you with her arms and legs and show off to her friends what her golden husband is.

For some reason, many people consider the wedding a kind of magical ritual, after which you can relax and rest on their laurels. The partner, they say, will not go anywhere, why waste your energy. In such couples, the husband and wife after the wedding often gain weight, stop monitoring themselves and be shy of their physiological processes, become vulgar and rude. A depressing sight, right?

Remember that the stamp in the passport does not guarantee you the eternal love of your chosen one, it can easily fly away from your common nest. And then again you have to strain, but already 10 times stronger.

How to find a good wife?

Before getting married, you should definitely get experience in communication and relationships with various girls. After all, if you don’t have it, you won’t understand which girl you need. What kind of character should she have, a sense of humor, temperament in bed, etc. All this is learned through trial and error. And do not listen to those people who talk about “fate” and that you need to marry the first girl you get. These people make sad statistics on divorces in Russia and the CIS countries.

As you go through several relationships, you will understand what qualities you would like to see in your potential wife. And vice versa, something can annoy you very much, something that I had not thought of before. In short, experience, experience, and again experience.

Where can I find a wife?

You can find a wife, in principle, in the same place where you usually meet girls. This is a street, common acquaintances, cultural and entertainment places in your city. And, of course, the Internet. Although I’ll just put the Internet in the last place, as meeting through the World Wide Web takes a lot of time compared to live communication. Accordingly, you will spend a lot of it on dating ladies that are not suitable for you.

Try to get acquainted and communicate in real life.

What age is better to get married?

It depends on many factors and on the man himself. But the later you do it, the more reliable your marriage will be, and the more you will make an informed choice. The optimal age for marriage in a man is from 28 to 35 years. In some cases - and later.

Think yourself - when you are from twenty to thirty, what kind of marriage can we talk about? At this time, you need to study hard, engage in self-development, as well as arrange the financial sphere of life. And, of course, dating girls. At this age, for most men, the attraction and desire for experimentation and everything new is so great that marriage will be a prison. After all, if you want to become a family man, you have to observe loyalty to a single woman. And after a couple of years, you realize where you’ve gotten involved. Therefore, follow the commandments from the beginning of this article.

Should I get married at all?

Rather yes than no. After all, sooner or later you will want to have children. The endless pursuit of different girls will cease to bring past pleasure. He wants stability. That there was a house, children ... Without a woman, all this will not work. But for this you need to mature.

7 qualities of a good wife - which girl is best for marriage

Clear business - beautiful. This is not even discussed. Here I will write down some qualities that a good wife should have in order to create a comfortable atmosphere in the family.

# 1 Adequate. Yes, don’t laugh. Recently, there are not so many adequate girls. What does it mean? This means that you understand the actions of your lady. She can't stand your brain with strange behavior.

# 2 Open. The one with whom you can discuss any issue or problem. She will not hide some of her feelings and dissatisfaction (which one way or another will come out sideways), and she will directly talk to you about what worries her at the moment. The ability to hear each other is a very valuable quality in family life.

# 3 Household. A woman should be able to maintain good housing and provide her husband with a reliable rear. Especially if he works hard and his work is not easy. A lazy and capricious woman is the opposite of the concept of “family”. The ability to cook dinner, do cleaning, do something around the house are excellent qualities. (Just keep in mind that a man should not remain in debt).

# 4 Possessing tolerance for husband's weaknesses. Each person has his own habits and shortcomings. It is important that a woman treats them tolerantly and fully accepts you for who you are. I didn’t require you to change. Because it is utopia.

# 5 Able to Support. There are difficult moments in life that it is very difficult to experience alone. Especially morally. You should feel in your wife a willingness to go through fire and water with you. And at the same time create the most comfortable psychological atmosphere possible.

# 6 Inspiring. Next to her, you feel like a real man, ready to turn mountains for your further happy life. Если ты себя так ощущаешь – твоя жена обладает этим ценнейшим качеством, которое называется вдохновение. Оно помогает выходить из зоны комфорта, пробовать что-то новое, вырываться к вершинам карьеры и т.д.

#7 Сексуальная. Сексуальная жизнь – важная составляющая семьи. Если ты не хочешь, чтобы секс закончился через два года семейной жизни, обрати внимание, насколько ты совместим с женщиной в сексе.

To find a good wife, it’s important to keep in mind a few criteria by which you can meet a suitable girl. Most importantly, live easy. Communicate easily. Do not broadcast to a girl from the very beginning that you want to get married. Even if she basically has a similar goal, such a haste can scare her away. The development of relations should proceed naturally. Successful search!