Here are some simple tips that you can use to avoid childhood masturbation.
* As soon as you notice that the child is interested in gender differences, explain them to him. At the same time, remember that at the age of 2.5 - 4 years the child does not need details. Just tell him that the urination organs of girls and boys are different so that in the future he does not show increased interest in this topic. If you do not explain this to him, then he himself will search for answers to his questions (which he may not ask aloud). After all, there are numerous cases of demonstration of their genitals by children in kindergartens (the toilet is common!).
* It is important to pay attention to the clothes of the child - it should not be tight in the crotch. Therefore, tight tight jeans - clothes, although fashionable, but inconvenient for children who are in constant motion. Tight clothing can constantly press on the genitals or irritate them while moving. The child, experiencing inconvenience from such clothes, will constantly correct it, unzip it, and have to touch the genitals.
* Sleep is best accustomed to the child on the side, placing both hands under the cheek. But if the child prefers to sleep on his back, then it is best to teach him to put his hands on top of the blanket, not explaining the true reason, but coming up with some plausible explanation.
* If you help a child of preschool age to wash, then you should not rub the genitals with a hard washcloth, nor gently touch them or stroke them. Treat them like an ordinary part of the body, then the child will treat them as well.
* Teach your child to play and have fun. In other words, it is important to teach your baby to independently engage in something interesting (besides masturbation).
٭ Do not fix the child’s attention on sexual games, distract him, become interested in something, these games usually pass as a short episode and remain only vague memories by the time of puberty. Another thing should attract the attention of parents: it is very important that the boy has boyish interests and hobbies, and that nothing girlish is alien to the girl. But everything must have its own "middle ground."
* Help your child realize his true sexual "I".
* Emphasize in the right situations the naturalness of physical differences.
* Under no pretext do not blame your child for his bodily differences from a child of another gender.
- Do not preach asexual education
- Do not focus your child on the obscenity of this topic.
The fact is that a child who masturbates at an early age is in a state of extreme nervous tension. Moreover, it is this kind of tension, and not a pronounced sexual attraction, that is the main reason that he begins to masturbate. If you sharply pull it in such a state, it always leads to severe stress, the consequences of which can be very sad. Parents must prove themselves to be subtle psychologists and find out what is the true cause of growing nervousness in order to try to eliminate it.
sexologist, clinical psychologist, psychotherapist, family therapist of the Center for psychological assistance to them. A. Adler
When teenagers indulge in masturbation, this can at least be explained: blood boils, hormones play ... But why do young children, from one to six years old, also touch themselves in the “wrong” place? We will deal with the expert.
The son (3.4 years old) began to touch the genitals often. Where does such an unhealthy desire come from?
The child is just studying his body. There is such a thing - psychosexual development. It includes several stages. In the first months of life, the oral zone develops - the baby is breast-fed, and he enjoys the act of sucking. Then anal - taming to the potty. Then - phallic (from about three years old).
At this stage, children are actively interested in their body: feel, explore. And the genitals too. But this is not masturbation in the sense that an adult puts into it, but an attempt to understand how they are arranged.
Reasons for child masturbation
Is it true that one of the possible causes of childhood masturbation is worms?
Yes it is. Female helminths lay eggs on the skin, which can cause itching and burning. The same thing happens with diaper rash, dermatitis, wearing tight underwear. The child has a desire to touch, scratch the irritated area - this brings relief.
Another thing is that, getting rid of itching, he may accidentally discover that touching the genitals is pleasant. Young children do not experience orgasm in the understanding of adults. But enjoy touching the genitals. And they may want to repeat it.
In order not to provoke such a desire in a child, exclude risk factors. Make sure that the child does not have worms (take tests), replace the tight-fitting panties with loose ones, do not allow the appearance of diaper rash.
We moved to another city, the daughter (she is 5 years old) went to a new kindergarten. But she doesn’t like it there. She became tearful, biting her nails. And recently, I saw her rub her crotch on a pillow! Has kindergarten really affected her so badly?
Not the garden as such, but the stress that she experienced in connection with the adaptation to a new place, teachers, children. In a young child, masturbation is a means of emotional relaxation. They resort to such a "sedative" in moments of excitement, anxiety.
In general, it is psychological discomfort that often prompts a child to engage in masturbation. For example, he may begin to masturbate due to excessive strictness of his parents, lack of love, care and tenderness on their part. The appearance of a second child in the family sometimes leads to the same consequences. Parents cannot give the elder as much attention as before. As a result, the first-born feels abandoned, unloved. And trying to enjoy the "improvised way."
How to deal with child masturbation?
I asked for advice on the Internet how to deal with child masturbation. And they told me that, perhaps, I myself provoke such a desire in him. What nonsense?
Indeed, parents can sometimes unconsciously arouse such thoughts in children. For example, the boy is 6 years old, and his mother changes clothes with him, sleeps on the same bed with him (“In order not to get up to him at night, he opens up every now and then”), kisses on the lips, washes ... And at 5-6 years old children are actively interested sexual matter. And mother, not wanting it herself, reinforces this interest. Therefore, parents need to follow the “safety precautions”.
Do not wash a 5-6-year-old child - he is already able to do it himself. As well as kissing him on the lips - only on the cheek, forehead, crown.
How to react if you find your child at the time of masturbation? What can not be done, but what can be done?
You can not scream, scold, shame (especially with strangers), intimidate. This leads to increased anxiety, which he can get rid of with ... all the same masturbation.
Try to distract the child: “Oh, look, what is it outside the window ?!” You can pull his hand out of his pants, take it into your own and, as if nothing had happened, speak on abstract topics. Not to read notations, not to fix attention on his “ugly behavior”, but to behave as if nothing had happened. Otherwise, you only heat up interest in this action in it.
Does the child feel free to masturbate at all? Choose the right moment when the child will be calm in order to explain to him: all parts of the body are good, but touching the genitals in the presence of other people is not accepted. Conversations didn’t help, did distraction also? It is advisable to be examined by a neurologist, urologist, pediatric gynecologist. If physical abnormalities are not found, contact a psychologist or sexologist.
The main psychological problems of child masturbation
The attitude towards child sexuality and child masturbation as a particular manifestation of it has changed over the past five thousand years from complete indifference to severe suppression. Until the New Age, in the Middle Ages and even in the Renaissance, this problem was looked at rather condescendingly: it was believed that the child was too small to control himself.
The “war against masturbation," as the French philosopher, cultural and science historian Michel Foucault called this phenomenon, or the "masturbation inquisition" (German researcher Ludger Lutkehaus), reached its zenith in the late XVIII - early XIX centuries.
In 1741, a Swiss doctor S.-A. raised an anti-masturbation wave Tissot, who, having published the essay "Masturbation, or Treatise on the Diseases of Masturbation," stated that masturbation dries the body, deprives it of vital fluids, and causes a malnutrition disease similar to tuberculosis. Excessive sexual arousal during masturbation leads to neurosis and disorders of the nervous system. "Masturbation ..." reprinted dozens of times and translated into the main European languages.
The American doctor B. Rush noted that masturbation causes visual impairment, epilepsy, memory loss, and tuberculosis. It was argued that the onanist is easily recognizable by his painful and repulsive appearance. Such findings were triggered by observations of patients in psychiatric hospitals, who often masturbated in front of staff. However, obsessive masturbation was the result of mental and emotional loneliness, state of mind, the impossibility of other ways of satisfaction.
In the mid-19th century, some entrepreneurs began to manufacture and sell masturbation products (corn flakes, squared crackers). Bestselling books about the terrible diseases awaiting onanists have been published. Signs of masturbation were acne, shyness, baldness, nail biting, smoking, enuresis (bedwetting), etc. Parents were advised to bandage their genitals to children, put them in cells, bind their hands to them, and the boys should be circumcised without anesthesia. Intensive exercises, sleeping on a hard wooden bed, and a diet (less meat and more cereals) also suggested as preventive (preventive) remedies.
Some inventors have patented devices to stop masturbation (the trellised case, in which the penis and scrotum of the boy were contained by springs, included an audible signal in case of an erection). For this purpose, the children were wrapped up in a cold, damp sheet for the night to “cool down” their desire; devices were mounted near the cribs connected to the bells in the parents' bedroom, signaling if any movements started in the child’s bed. Doctors suggested leeches on the genital area to suck blood, eliminate hyperemia that caused sexual desire, cauterization of the genital tissues by electric shock or hot iron to kill nerves, reduce sensitivity and lust.
The testimonies of the young men have survived, who, unable to cope with what seemed to them to be addictive, committed suicide.
Russian doctors attributed masturbation to the manifestation of childhood, called “childhood sin” and believed that only masturbation in adults can be regarded as a possible pathology. In the work and personal life of Silver Age writers (A. M. Remizov, F. Sologub, A. I. Tinyakov, etc.), the emphasis is changing - masturbation is aesthetized and legitimized. A particularly important role in increasing its cultural status was played by the Russian writer, publicist and philosopher V.V. Rozanov. In his opinion, the onanist is not a miserable pervert, but a chosen, spiritual, spiritualistic person: “Among his comrades, the onanist is like an Arabian horse among the bityugs. The whole Decameron is the fruit of Boccaccio's masturbation and is written for masturbation readers. All French painting is a gallery of female bodies in various poses, the fruit of male masturbation. ” (V.V. Rozanov. Fleeting.)
At the beginning of the 20th century, doctors began to argue that masturbation could not be the cause of disease, even began to recommend that women masturbate to relieve hysteria, and men - instead of visiting prostitutes.